Overenthusiastically juvenile? A hurriedly-rushed first draft? Both will do. I ended up putting a fair bit of effort into subtly reworking this story. Why?
I didn't like the original. It made some obvious jokes about the appearance of its monster (which was designed by a child!), and then turned it into the ending by piling on and piling on references that were barely innuendo. Eurgh. And it undersold the Karkus! I have no problem with our hero losing, or getting the wrong end of the stick, or just wandering off-script, BUT he has to be still in the script - and the original was really more Alpha Centauri reacting to things.
Also, it was done hurriedly. Not 'Sevillian Job' hurriedly, but just with a little less care, and probably with that damned Rotring pen again - so this revision above is an attempt to improve on the original. It's still not a great story, in my opinion, but it's better now.
Ooh, that was a bit of a downer way to close up, so I'll just add that the vicar in panel ten of Page Two ended up looking like my old Presbyterian church minister. If you're reading this, hello Brian! I hope you're well.
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